Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize