Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
