I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
