I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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