At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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