he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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