If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
