I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
