ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
