K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
