I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
