I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
