You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
nutella sex= disaster
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
