I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
