Duck Duck Cougar?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
