Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
