best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
