I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
