nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
