Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
