How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
