Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You made out with two different species that night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
