everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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