careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
