Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
