I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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