Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
