Don't you send me to vm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
