If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My bed smells like the plague
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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