so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
