he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
