Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
organizing the empties. That sober.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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