i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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