Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
