I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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