That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
