Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
