i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
