paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
