Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think my vagina is haunted
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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