the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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