Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
