You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
