i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This house was built for laser tag.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
