Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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