does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
