The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Someone came in the potted fern
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
