WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
