haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
