ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
