thus making me awesome and them whores
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
