my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
