Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
