I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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