I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize