...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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