i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
