laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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