I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
