How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
