epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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