I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
