My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
