I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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